Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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