She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
