Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Enjoy the penises
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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