Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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