My brain says no but my pants say off.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
