I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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