Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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