Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
