the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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