my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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