nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
