Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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