i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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