Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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