booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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