turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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