are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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