Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
