I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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