Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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