i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
