The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
