i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
