I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
