I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have post one night stand depression
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
