I am puke
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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