I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
