I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
