Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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