dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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