We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
