you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
