Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
