It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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