bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this just has baby written all over it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
