DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
