i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
