just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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