i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
