dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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