I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
