the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In other news, I just burned my penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
