Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
