We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
