it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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