I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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