we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
