Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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