I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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