I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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