Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
