Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
