just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
