A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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