I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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