You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
