I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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