Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
