we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
