I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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