how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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