I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
