I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
