fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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