Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
