OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
