I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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