erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
