Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
