Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
