On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
