so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
