I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
