Your face is a jimmy john
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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