I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize