And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
