I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
