So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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