SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think my mom watched the whole time
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
