i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
