I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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