If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
