the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
